Crying = Weakness ?

Something that I hear very often from clients is that they want to be emotionally strong. On exploring what emotionally strong means, a common theme that emerges is “I should not cry”. And then I ask them the same question my therapist asked me 3 years back, “But who said crying is a sign of weakness?”

Which led me to think, where did this idea stem from? Why is that a person is considered emotionally “strong” when they’re able to face any situation without crying? How did we learn and internalise that crying is a weakness? 

One reason I can think of is that over the years men have always been associated with being emotionally “strong” on the outside and not crying, whereas women have been the ones to give into their tears because no one rebuked us for crying. Haven’t we all heard the phrase “Why are you crying like a girl? You have to be strong. You are a boy.” being used in our surroundings? I think that’s one of the earliest memories for a lot of children, and naturally that can become an unconscious guiding principle in their lives.